Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
