yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
