Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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