We're facebook friends in real life
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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