I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
