Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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