Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
