That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
