Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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