Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
