I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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