How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
home. puking in laundry basket.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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