I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
