The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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