hell yes lets make some ravioli
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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