Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
