you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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