She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His hands were made for my vagina.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
