ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
