I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
