is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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