haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
