you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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