Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
