Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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