I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
