and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
