I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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