He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
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I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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