now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
