Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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