I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.