So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me