cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it