I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.