ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dating After Heartbreak
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.