We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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