Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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