i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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