Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
