That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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