My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
