Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
