what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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