i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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