he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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