hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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