Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
