Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
