dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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