he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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