I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
