He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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