do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
