Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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