he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
