So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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