Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
