Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
