if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
