I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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