it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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