I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
