I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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