pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
