If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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