I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
