I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
