It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
