the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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