Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
