Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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