Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My life is pants optional.
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